Break ups, ah yes the ever horrid ending to a once sweet and soulful relationship. It is the one of the most if not the most dreadful thing that can ever happen to someone. It causes you to shed tears, act crazy, drown in tubs of ice cream, drink like a fish and even think of dark things that are unmentionable. Dealing with break ups is such a nasty business. It’s like learning to swim for the first time when you’re suddenly thrown in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Break ups, tsk tsk tsk, such a nasty and sticky situation that you wish you can just shove down the toilet. Fear not, let me help you with going through this ordeal
Why Do People Break Up?
The first step into finding your sanity after a break up is to find out what caused all this. Some people say don’t dwell on it but finding out why you broke up can offer closure. If it was your fault, you can go ahead and change the stuff that seem to be a bugger in relationship. If it was your partner’s fault, you can go ahead and get all his/her pictures and memorabilia and shred them (kidding).
So here are a few reasons why people break up:
- Incompatibility – This may sound trivial at first when you met each other but once you discover that he hates One Direction and you simply adore them then it may spiral down from there. If he likes garlic and you really think you hate them ‘cause you’re a Twilight vampire groupie then your relationship may be doomed
- Third Party – Okay, this is the nasty one. If he or she decided that there is some one better than you then that really sucks, big time. I mean if he or she goes out at night smelling like some else’s perfume then don’t be a dodo and leave the sucker.
- Personal Hygiene – Oh yeah this causes a break up. Like for example, when you first met him, his breath smells like a cool winter breeze on the top of the ski slopes of Aspen and then now you find out he does not really brush his teeth so his pie hole really smells like an Indian curry mixed with yesterday’s trash. Just imagine, girlie used to wear nice dresses and fixes her hair nicely but now she barely showers and shaves her legs. People do really put their best foot forward in the first stages of the relationship but they just got to remember that you are not their college room-mate. Showering is still a must. He or she does not need to be a model for the Proctor and Gamble commercial but acceptable cleanliness is a must.
- You hate his or her friends or family – You may really love your partner but if the pack of slobs that he hangs out with are just way too nasty then your once lovey-dovey duo may end up in flames. If her girl group is just an exact copy of the pink girls of Mean Girls then it may really affect you guys.
- Falling out of love – Love and relationships are like going to work, you need to work hard for it to make it last and not get fired. If the two of you drift apart and find each other uninteresting then it may mean a split-up.
So How Do I Mend My Broken Hypothamus (Heart?)
When we fall in love it’s not really our bloody hear that falls in love, it’s really our brain that does. The part of our brain, the hypothalamus takes care of it. According to science, all emotions last for 12 minutes and anything after that is something is pure self-indulgence. Yeah, you heard it right, wallowing in pain is you staying in that feeling.
Most shrinks say that it takes about half the time you were together to recover from a break up. Now let us discuss how to speed that up a bit.
- Cry your eyes out every night – Oh yes, you heard that right. Crying a river really can be cathartic. Let your heart let out all the pain and sorrow. Yeah, you’ll look like a shriveled tomato but in the end it can really cure your broken heart. This would be faster if you get the help of your friends. Cry to them. At first you would think that you can never ever stop crying, but you will at some point be all cried out and would end up not crying any more. At some point you’ll wake up and say, “Hey, I’m so tired of crying and I don’t want to cry anymore”.
- Drink like a fish – This may sound counterproductive and a bit destructive but never dismiss the power of a good old bottle of Jose Cuervo. Drinking releases your stress and inhibitions. In about a week or two of drinking you may be able to totally drown out the pain in your heart.
- Shop like crazy – Well you may not have the finances for this but if you, retail therapy can really put a Band-Aid into your bleeding heart. Buying stuff gives you a certain high. This emotion can over shadow the pain you’re feeling
- Have (SAFE) sex every night – Nothing beats good old steamy sex into beating a broken heart. Adrenaline, endorphins, oxytocin and dopamine are happy hormones that are released during and after sex. This hormones are like a drug in your system that hi-jacks your brain into feeling much, much better.
- Pig out – Eat, eat and eat. Get a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and stuff your face. Eating can be therapeutic. It may not bring Rome or Juliet back, but it does make you feel good. On the other hand, you might ned to go the gym afterwards since you want to get back into the dating game and look good.
- Break stuff – Well don’t break your expensive flat screen TV, I mean buy cheap plates and old bottles and just start smashing them. You won’t believe how therapeutic this can really be. I’ve heard of a place in Asia where they have “grievance wall” that has names of problems and people in your life that you can toss plates to. This is a good way to get the anger out of your system.
So those are just some of the ideas (or things I have done before) to cure a broken heart. I hope I have shed some light into the some cures for your aching heart. I hope my humor did not piss you off too… But seriously I hope you can find in your heart to feel better again.
Sometimes love hurts, but the hurt would go away one day. I’m not sure when but I’m sure it would. Learn to love yourself again and see your self-value. Moving on may be tricky but it is the best way to be back to the old happy you.